Entry — Age 11, first deployment briefing

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They let me sit in. Full table, everyone, the real thing. I kept waiting for someone to tell me it was a mistake, that I wasn't supposed to be there, that I should go back upstairs.

Nobody did.

I sat very still and listened to everything and tried to make sure my face was doing something appropriate. The father spoke for most of it. I watched his hands — they're very still when he talks, which I've noticed before, as if all his energy goes into the words and none is left over for gesture.

After, in the corridor, one of the siblings nodded at me. Just a nod. It was the best thing that had happened to me in months and I'm putting it in here so I don't lose it.